I am constantly wrestling with why God has allowed my road to be so rough...why he seems to have shrouded my path and taken away my sense of direction.
Where is my compass? Why is his Word not inspiring the joy and wisdom and encouragement that it did in the past?
I cry out to my God and seem to hear nothing by my own weeping. What have I done that makes my Father seem so distant?
Why can I not accept his forgiveness for the things I have done? Yet how can I when I cannot even forgive myself for some reason?
Who has stolen my true joy? Why must there be a facade! When will I finally feel completely real with all the ones I love?
Why do I feel like such a burden to both my God and my friends and family?
Sin has no reward but shame and guilt and lingering regret of the very beginning. I wish I could go back several months and undo the past. Why was I blind to the truth God laid out before me? Was it laid out before me? Did I not seek him enough? Did I shove my God out of my sight and make my own way?
Is this the path back to righteousness?
I am a burden, I am selfish, I am entitled, I annoy my friends, I break hearts.....I can never focus on the present without pangs of the past and nudges of the future nagging at my mind.
My heart is exhausted from trying to be loved, despite the knowledge that those in my life do not seek for me to earn their love.
I feel I have slid so far back.......from everything I was, everything I was going to be, to do, to love......
Why must my prayer be a cry in pain and not in joy? Why do I look ahead with apathy?
I am weary, Lord give me rest!
No comments:
Post a Comment